Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
