Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
