I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
