getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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