I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
