You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
