I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
