So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
