My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
