what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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