My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
