Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
