I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
