Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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