and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
