A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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