So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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