At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
