Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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