sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
