He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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