i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
