I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
