Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You don't make any sense
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