i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
