it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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