she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
