high people should be assigned attendants
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
