my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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