stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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