Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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