I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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