I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
