Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
