I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
