just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
