So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
