your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
