I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
