Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
How naked do you want me to be?
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