He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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