I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
