he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
