I molested 6 butterflies tonight
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
