they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
