Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
