BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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