i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
