there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
