you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
